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S a f e t y L a s t . L4ea slumbering- here one W illiam Lake Heard the bell, but had no brake. At ninety miles drove Eddie Shawn. The m otor stopped but “Ed r / E g g s in N e w S t y le . \ F n m t h * P itts b u r g h C h ron icle- IV k-graph. 1 George, you may bring me two fried eggs, some ham, a pot of coffee and some rolls,” said the man to the waiter. '‘Yes, sir.” His companion said: “You may bring me the same. No, 'just eliminate the eggs.” “ Yes, sir.” In a moment the waiter returned. “ Excuse me, sir, but what did you say about, thorn pevs?” GRACIOUS! Patient—Doctor, are you going to order me another one of them mus­tard plasters today. Doctor-*^ think you had better have one more. Patient—Well, Doc, kin I have a slice of ham with it? It’s a mighty strong thing to eat alone: the noises heard daily there 3 a superabundance o f people tow n stu d yin g fo r op ry w h o better be d ev otin g them selves other kept on. line o f endeavor. Here he sleeps, one Johnnie F on k er; He rounded a turn without a honker. Down in the creek sleeps Jerry Bass, The bridge was narrow, he tried to pass. Beneath the hill sleeps W illiam Raines, Ice on the hill— he had no chains. Here lies the body o f W illiam Jay, W ho died maintaining the right of way. Here, rest the remains of Percival Sapp, He drove his machine with a girl in his lap — Collected by the W ashington Times. Any brighter?” r, things are ?o it ; the mice arc to the cat.” * “How’s things “Brighter? V bad at home giving themselves up A COMEBACK Customer—Is. this a restaurant? W aiter— Oh, yes, hut mind serving you this on “Yes, sir.” And he hurried away to the kitchen. In two minutes he came back once more, leaned confidentially and peni­tently over the table and said: * “We had a bad accident this morning, sir, an* the liminator got busted off, Tight at the handle. Will you take them fried, same as this gentleman?” flniu piiis. HEINE—-But think what it would do for the race. HEINE— That's just the trouble. That’s why the ?race is producing such bum stock. If the principles of ?Eugenicism were carried out you'd have to prove that lyou was fit in every way to improve the race before ?she would marry you. HONUS— That would be an awful thing. K HEINE— Why? *Y [ HONUS— How would a fellow feel when he proposed I to a girl to have to go down on his knees and say: I “ Darling, my lungs are good, my liver is fine, my I pulse is seventy-two, my circulation is great, my tern-fperature (until I look at you) is ninety in the shade, lan d my digestion is perfect. Be m ine!” ~And she fw ould answer, “ Sweetheart, I can never he your*. I | love you, but I got tbe pip.” __ i . . . - V •