Transcript of interview with Jay Poster by Barbara Tabach, August 26, 2016

AN INTERVIEW WITH JAY POSTER An Oral History Conducted by Barbara Tabach Southern Nevada Jewish Heritage Project Oral History Research Center at UNLV University Libraries University of Nevada Las Vegas ii ?Southern Nevada Jewish Heritage Project University of Nevada Las Vegas, 2014 Produced by: The Oral History Research Center at UNLV ? University Libraries Director: Claytee D. White Project Manager: Barbara Tabach Transcriber: Kristin Hicks Interviewers: Barbara Tabach, Claytee D. White Editors and Project Assistants: Maggie Lopes, Amanda Hammar iii The recorded interview and transcript have been made possible through the generosity of a Library Services and Technology Act (LSTA) Grant. The Oral History Research Center enables students and staff to work together with community members to generate this selection of first-person narratives. The participants in this project thank University of Nevada Las Vegas for the support given that allowed an idea the opportunity to flourish. The transcript received minimal editing that includes the elimination of fragments, false starts, and repetitions in order to enhance the reader?s understanding of the material. All measures have been taken to preserve the style and language of the narrator. In several cases photographic sources accompany the individual interviews with permission of the narrator. The following interview is part of a series of interviews conducted under the auspices of the Southern Nevada Jewish Heritage Project. Claytee D. White Director, Oral History Research Center University Libraries University of Nevada Las Vegas iv PREFACE Music brought Jay Poster to Las Vegas for a brief time in 1974. Jay wanted to pursue a musical career and his cousin was a professional musician with the Nat Brandwynne Orchestra at Caesars Palace. To Jay?s disappointment, within a few months his cousin Jack Poster left Las Vegas for a road tour. So Jay decided his best strategy was to return home to San Diego and his studies at San Diego State University. It would be over a decade later before Jay returned to Las Vegas to live and this time it became permanent. This time it was not for music. For beyond his musical talent, Jay had a gift for connecting with people of all of ages and walks of life. He was good at sales and his day job selling office furniture offered him the opportunity to transfer to Las Vegas in 1986. Within a few years, however, it was a recruiter for Palm Mortuaries who introduced Jay to his defining career moment and to Allen Brewster, a prominent Jewish leader and founder of King David Cemetery and Mortuary. It was 2001. Jay has been King David?s ever since and is the General Manager. In this interview, Jay describes his personal and spiritual growth through his career in funeral services and his respect for the Jewish traditions of burial and grieving. In addition, his passion for music has also soared and he talks about his participation in the Shabbatones at Congregation Ner Tamid and Desert Winds, a community based performance organization. He shares his love of traditional Jewish klezmer music and the Meshugginah Klezmorim. v TABLE OF CONTENTS Interview with Jay Poster August 26, 2016 in Las Vegas, Nevada Conducted by Barbara Tabach Preface??????????????????????????????????..iv Talks about his family background; he was born in Brooklyn; family moved to California when he was about three; calls San Diego his childhood home. Raised in a secular Jewish home; became a bar mitzvah for his grandfather, the keeper of the faith. Explains how his dream to be a professional musician led him to Las Vegas; studied reed instruments with UNLV instructor Ralph Gary; cousin Jack Poster played with Nat Brandwynne Orchestra; returned to San Diego in 1981; more permanent move to Las Vegas in mid-1980s; and worked at Jack?s Video Mart; describes the business???????????????????????????????.??.1 ? 3 Tells the story of coming to his position with King David Cemetery and Funeral Home; his career began in 1992 with Palm Mortuaries, after a career selling in office supplies and furniture; introduced to Allen Brewster, prominent member of Temple Beth Sholom; lack of a Jewish cemetery in Las Vegas and how they changed that it in 2001 and opened up King David Cemetery, division of Palm Mortuaries, owned by Ken Knauss. Recalls first time he sat down with a pre-need customer; death of a friend?s daughter????????????????????.?.4 ? 7 Explains the Jewish approach to the rituals associated with death and dying; placing of headstone traditions; discusses impact of community customs when people are originally from outside Las Vegas; how King David handles overflow crowds????????????????...7 ? 10 Talks about his interest in music starting with his childhood; has excelled since fourth grade; high school band in Chula Vista, CA; San Diego Youth Symphony which included international travel experiences; life detours interrupted his pursuit of music; degree in 1980. Move to Las Vegas, joined UNLV concert band for ten years, conducted by Tony LaBounty; also with Las Vegas Community Orchestra, which performed at Reed Whipple Center??????????11 ? 12 Concept of and thoughts about the Shabbatones, a free ensemble musical group at Congregation Ner Tamid; his participation in the group since 2002; being a congregant at Ner Tamid; reaction to Beatles Shabbat, working with Cantor Jessica Hutchings. Talks about his participation with Desert Winds, a wind ensemble, now in its eighth season; named Best Performing Arts Group of Las Vegas; Desert Winds invitation to be in 2016 Midwest Clinic in Chicago; free Veterans Day concerts; conductor Charles Maguire????????????????????..?13 ? 16 vi Talks about blowing the shofar, a ram?s horn, at High Holy Days; technical difficulty of doing so, but fun they have with it. Thoughts about limits to applause in synagogue; use of shaking hands in air; roles of cantors and rabbis in relationship with music?????????????17 ? 20 Discusses Jews success with music; klezmer music, which he also plays; mentions Meshuggimnah Kelzmorim and Lee Schreiber, Eastern European roots of music. Reflects on his love of Las Vegas; his wife Pam who is a teacher in Clark County School District and at religious school at Congregation Ner Tamid; his membership on Jewish Family Services and Jewish Community Center boards??????????????????????????????.21 ? 23 His son Jeremy?s bar mitzvah, attended Milton I. Schwartz Hebrew Academy, works in funeral industry in California; Palm purchased by Dignity a few years ago; Pam?s children Janna and Adam; story of how Pam and he met at Bagel Ball; her move here from California???.24 ? 28 vii 1 Today is August 26th, 2016. This is Barbara Tabach sitting in my office with Jay Poster. Jay, spell your last name for the transcriber. P, as in Peter, O-S-T-E-R. As we talked about this is for the Southern Nevada Jewish Heritage project. I usually like to start with an overview of family ancestral background. Where did you grow up? Did you grow up in a Jewish family with a lot of ritual around? That kind of thing. I was born in Brooklyn, New York (1954). My parents moved to Southern California when I was about three years old to the Los Angeles area. At the age of nine, we moved down to San Diego and that's what I'd call home. I grew up in San Diego. I am the oldest grandchild of a family that was primarily secular. My grandfather was the keeper of the faith, may he rest in peace. And because I was the oldest grandchild, it was important that I at least get a bar mitzvah. So even though my immediate family was primarily non-observant, I was privileged to have an Orthodox bar mitzvah because they were the ones that would give me a six-month crash course in getting it done. Other religious identity...Because my grandfather was a keeper of the faith, our family gatherings were always Passover. He would have Passover, as fun and nontraditional as it was. It was an opportunity for the family to get together every year for Passover. Do you have siblings? I have two brothers. I'm the oldest of three. My brother Gordon lives with his wife in Palm Springs and they have two daughters. My youngest brother lives here in Las Vegas now with my dad because my mom has since passed away. So how did you end up in Las Vegas? At one point in my life I wanted to be a professional musician. My degree is in music. I 2 graduated high school in '72 and started going to San Diego State. At the same time I have a first cousin who is a professional musician who played probably a good twenty years or more in Las Vegas on the Strip. And so after my first year of college, I decided to quit school for a short period of time and come up here, live with him, and started studying with one of the reed players who taught at the university, Ralph Gary. He was the clarinet and saxophone teacher at the time and he was also the lead reed player for the Nat Brandywynne Orchestra at Caesars Palace. So I moved out here primarily to study with him, but that was short-lived. It was about a six-month period of time because my cousin decided to quit his gig at Caesars and go on the road with a Top 40's band. So that was my first time that I moved here. What was your cousin's name? Jack Poster, a member of the union, played with, again, the Nat Brandywynne Orchestra and played with the relief orchestras for many, many years. I moved back to San Diego, got married the first time in '81, and moved back here in '83, I believe, to actually work in my cousin's video store because, in addition to doing his music gig, he also owned a couple of video stores here called Jack's Video Mart. And so I did that for a short period of time, moved back to San Diego again, changed my career and worked for a company that rented office furniture and they relocated me out here and I've been here ever since, so since 1986. I'm curious about the video stores. We'll do a quick little segue because posterity may not even know what a video store is. Oh, that's funny. We sold Betamax machines and we sold video. It was really at the inception of the video industry. Jack opened two stores called Jack's Video Mart and JJ's Video. One was on East Desert Inn and one was on West Desert Inn actually right across from the Cinedome. It was 3 a multiplex. Jack invited me to come out and to manage one of those. Yes, we had Sony TVs lined up and in front of each we had?half of them were Beta machines and a half of them were VHS machines, which actually now are so antiquated. I think I may have a couple still in the house, but I don't know how?they're in the closet. People pull out their old videotapes and then they don't have the equipment to play it on. I have a whole collection of them. Can't use them anymore, but I still have them. Boy, I'm showing my age. Well, technology changes so quickly on us. So the music life was really important to you, but you didn't make a full-time living at it. No. And so you said you were managing a...furniture store? What store was that? When I came back to Las Vegas in 1986, a couple years earlier I was hired by a company called Aaron Rents. I believe now they are primarily a rent-to-own company because I think there's a couple of locations here in Las Vegas, but when I was hired by them they had several divisions. One was an office furniture division called Aaron Rents and Sells Office Furniture. There was a residential rental division just dealing with apartment and home furnishings. And I was hired as a manager trainee in San Diego with the ultimate requirement to move. When they wanted to open up a store in Las Vegas, they gave me the opportunity. And because I had lived here before, kind of knew the flavor of Las Vegas and had at least some family here, they relocated me here and my family in 1986. So some of your family had already? My cousin. That was it at the time. I kind of brought the rest of my family out here since. They followed you. 4 Right. But Jack was the one that was here for the longest period of time. I came out in '86 and my parents moved out here about five years later, I suppose. I don't know the exact years. My brother Michael moved out here about five years ago. The key reason your name comes up in this project is because of your relationship with King David Cemetery and Funeral Home. Tell me that story. Again, as I shared with you before we even started, I'm just kind of impressed that I'm sitting down and talking with you today. I don't look at myself and don't see myself in the same light as a lot of people do. I mean I see a lot of pictures that are on your wall and people that I know that have made major influences on this community. But sometimes I have to go back and just kind of see really the position that I have in the city. I'm very proud of it. But what brought me there...I've been with Palm Mortuaries since 1992. My career in the office furniture and the office products industry kind of ended about that period of time and I was networking for another position and I had friends that suggested I go talk to this lady that was a recruiter for Palm Mortuaries in their sales department. I've had no background whatsoever in the funeral industry, but I had management background; I had sales background. So I went and spoke with her and had a nice interview with her. I was kind of apprehensive with the idea of selling caskets and graves. She suggested that I talk to my rabbi and suggested that I talk to another employee of the company who is with the company for a long, long time and a very prominent member of our community Allen Brewster. I mean Allen Brewster was the name in this town with regards to anything Jewish burial. He and his wife were prominent members of Temple Beth Sholom. So I spoke with him and I spoke with Rabbi [Sanford] Akselrad and Rabbi felt that I had 5 a personality where it kind of crossed generations?I was able to speak very comfortably with seniors; I was able to speak very comfortably with my generation and those younger than me?and felt that this would be kind of a nice fit. So ultimately, I took a position in 1992 in their advanced planning department. I found a very successful career doing that. Allen Brewster had been talking to the owners of Palm for many, many years about expanding their Jewish presence in opening up a Jewish mortuary and cemetery. They had?and still do?they have designated areas on their nondenominational cemeteries for Jewish burials, but there was never a mortuary designated just for the Jewish community or a cemetery that was zoned and separated differently unlike in other major cities. When you go to New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, there's always Jewish funeral homes; there's always Jewish cemeteries. But other than the cemetery up in Reno, the Jewish cemetery up in Reno, nothing like that existed down here. In fact, to this day we have the only denominational cemetery in Southern Nevada. There is not a Catholic cemetery. There's no other denominational cemetery other than ours. And so fifteen years ago in 2001?actually, before that I was offered the opportunity to go from the sales department to learn how to be a funeral director with the plan to open up the King David Cemetery and Mortuary. Allen and I toured some of the L.A. properties and came back and gave our input to the owner of Palm, Ken Knauss. Ultimately, we were designated founders and opened up the King David Mortuary and Cemetery and I've been there ever since. To me from what has been a generally secular Jewish life is one that has been really fulfilling for me because, as I said, I don't necessarily feel the link that I have in our community, but at the same time I do know that I've touched the lives of many, many people in this town. I have an incredible relationship with every rabbi in this town. They know that if there's a need, 6 they can pick up the phone to call me any time and I'm just as comfortable talking to the Orthodox community as I am to the Reform community. I feel very, very privileged to be in this world and I feel very, very privilege to be able to help people through the most difficult part of their life. I never thought in a million years that this guy who wanted to be a professional musician would be sitting down and helping people on the worst day of their life, but I find it very fulfilling. Do you remember the first time you sat down with a grieving family? No, but I remember the first time I sat down with a?when I was prospecting for pre-need sales because?I firmly believe in it because being on the other side of a desk now and wearing both hats, I know how easy it is when preplanning took place because families come in and they were not selecting anything anymore; it's all done. Then I just help them through what mom or dad prearranged before. But I really didn't have an understanding twenty-four years ago, but I remember picking up the phone and making calls and asking for appointments. The first person basically came back to me and said, "Go bury yourself." And so obviously that didn't stop me from staying in the field, but that was kind of a shocker. I think that was probably the first response I got when I started. I guess I just needed the money at the time, so I was going to go through it anyway. Probably my earliest experience as a funeral director was when I was still training to be one. A member of the Shabbatones, a musical group at Congregation Ner Tamid, Ira Spector's daughter died. Amy died in an automobile accident up in Reno. I was involved in helping get her back to Las Vegas for burial. That was really devastating. And again, I was really inexperienced. I wasn't the director in charge at the time. But because I knew them and actually the owner of Palm's daughter was good friends with Amy that Ken Knauss was integrally 7 involved in it as well. That's probably the earliest experience I have with assisting a family at need and that was horrible. In this community if anybody mentions the name Amy in the Jewish community, they know who it is, Amy Spector. Wow. I just think it's such an important role that you play and the people you touch. So do you work with people outside of the Jewish faith or you've always been with the King David segment and so...? I personally have always been with King David. I'm kind of pigeonholed in that environment, but I love it. King David is a component or an outlet?one of Palm Mortuary's locations. It's really the only Palm location that has a different business name specifically to designate us as being Jewish. But because 99 percent of the families that I serve are Jewish...I think the only time that it's not the case is if it's a friend of a friend that has been recommended to us and I'll certainly help them. No one ever wants to walk through our doors, but if there is an introduction, "Go see Jay," yes, it makes it so much easier. What is unique about the Jewish faith's approach to the ritual of death and dying? It's completely different. First and foremost, I believe?well, I don't know if this is even different or not, but this is certainly that I find is really, really beautiful. That we take such a personal community approach to those in our community that have died. It's amazing. From the moment that death has occurred, if it's a traditional family, they want somebody to sit with the body. It's called a shomer. Instead of having their loved one in a protected refrigerated environment, they're asking to have a man or a woman sit with their loved one and pray, recite Tehillim, from the moment that death has occurred up until the burial itself. The concept of our community having the Chevrah Kadisha or the Burial Society come in and do the dressing and the preparation is called Tahara. To have our community actually come in and, again, say the 8 blessings and wrap in the traditional shroud, and the last hands that ever touched this person is part of a Jewish community I think is beautiful. The concept of going out to the grave site and having a full mound of soil out there and for those friends and family there to take a shovel or two and to blanket their loved one. From the beginning of the death through the actual burial itself, the whole process I think is amazingly beautiful. Traditionally there are things that Jewish burials have that aren't done in other cultures. We prefer not to have an open casket. We prefer not to have embalming. An open casket and looking at a deceased in our tradition is considered an insult. If the person in that casket can't communicate and reciprocate back to you, it's considered an insult. The concept of embalming is invasive to our body or God's body. When embalming takes place there are bodily fluids that are?pardon me?that are removed and that's part of God's body, that's part of our holiness, and taking that out is against our faith, which is certainly very much a part and respected by other cultures, but certainly not by ours. The concept of having burial as quickly as possible, sometimes the next day if possible, is in respect to the survivors to have their mourning process start as quickly as possible and not delay it several days. All of these really separate us from other cultures and no disrespect at all to other cultures. The idea of viewing a body psycho- logically in our tradition is such where, as I shared with you, is kind of an insult and not a healing process where in other cultures and other psychologist will say seeing that body, it gives closure. So it's just a different approach to it and it really culturally is different than many other cultures. Yes, it's very unique. Then the headstone is not placed for a year approximately? There is a cultural custom of placing a headstone after the eleventh month, but there's nothing in Jewish law that states that. The mourning process in Jewish tradition...You have your first seven 9 days, which is shiva. You have your first thirty days with shloshim. You have an eleven-month period of time, which is the period of time that the soul should finally be released, and the mourning process is supposed to conclude after eleven months. So there is a tradition that started in England and the United States where to conclude the mourning process is when you would unveil a headstone. The Orthodox community primarily will do it as soon as possible, any time after thirty days, because during that first thirty days there is still tremendous amount of restrictions that are placed on the survivors. They're not supposed to come to the cemetery. They're not supposed to go back to living their lifestyle as they did before. And so most within the more traditional community will wait after thirty days, but not necessarily wait the year to do it. So the custom has come where on the first yahrzeit, the first anniversary of the death is when families gather and unveil the stone. So when you're meeting with family, do you ask them what traditions they want to adhere to or do they expect you to tell them? How does that conversation go? Well, there are a lot of things that we talk during an arrangement. But certainly one which we postpone but I talk briefly is they will ask, "When do we order the stone?" Most are under the concept that there's no rush to it because we're going to come back in a year and we're going to do the unveiling. But we live in a community here where many of our families' family members live elsewhere. So what I guide families to is, especially if death has occurred in August, like they we're meeting right now, it may not be the most conducive time for families to gather for an unveiling. Find a date that works. You're not going to break any Jewish laws by doing it. If the beginning of the summer works best or if over the December holidays works best, just plan on designing the stone in advance so you could do it during a time when the family can gather. But more often than not there is a brief conversation during the arrangement process on that. 10 It seems like there may be?I think you've hit upon it?community customs. We're originally from Iowa and there was a set of traditions that you just did it. You didn't even think about whether it was a Jewish law or not. That was just the tradition of the community. More often than not most families are still doing it at one year, but it's certainly not necessary and doing it when it's convenient to the family?again, you go back to Ohio, probably most of the family still lives there and it's much easier to have a gathering for an unveiling if you wait the year for that. You may have some family members that have moved to Las Vegas or elsewhere, but chances are the lion's share of the family still lives in that state. So have you ever had any celebrity or experiences with too large of a crowd for King David, like these exceptional events that have occurred? We've had a couple with overflow. When that happens, many times we will actually have the?if we expect a large turnout and if they're a member of a congregation, we could have the funeral at the congregation itself. But our chapel has been set up with microphones and speakers in our lobby and even outside, and so we've certainly had overflow and we've had standing room only even in our lobby and reception area for larger services, not necessarily for celebrities. I can't even remember off the top of the head if we've had any. I think we probably have, but I can't think of it at the moment. I use that term loosely here. Yes. I think mostly it has been for a devastating loss like a child where the community has come out and we've had maybe three or four hundred people in our facility. Our chapel seats 250 or so. And so if we have a greater turnout than that we're standing in our reception area, but we make it happen anyway. 11 So we'll shift gears and go into the musical world, the fun part of your day. Yes, okay, here we go, folks, something fun to talk about. But what a great way for you to get release because you're dealing with sorrow on a daily basis. What a great way to get release with your creative musical talent. Right. Let's talk about it?go back to being a kid. What was your first instrument and your first encounter or inspiration to go this route? I've been playing the clarinet since fourth grade. So I've been playing for over fifty years I guess at this point. It came easy to me. It's always been my first love. I've always excelled at it. I was an average student at best, but when it came to music, I absolutely excelled and it's kind of all that I wanted to do for most of my life. So from fourth grade all through middle school and high school and into college, I always earned the top chair. Again, it's something that simply just came easy for me. I went to high school in Chula Vista, California, which is a suburb of San Diego. We had an amazing high school band director. We had an amazing ensemble. We were absolutely one of the best in the state at the time. It just allowed us to continue to hone in on our skills. Many of us from my high school days went on to either careers as professional musicians or careers as music educators. I have many friends that are still in San Diego that are teaching high school band. While I was in San Diego, I played in the San Diego Youth Symphony. It gave me the opportunity to play in an orchestra. It gave me an opportunity to travel to England and Scotland and to Costa Rica. So it gave me some travel experiences, which I'll treasure forever. I went to school at San Diego State and eventually, because as I shared with you, I left 12 school for a little while, went back. I took several detours, but by 1980 I finally got my bachelor's degree in music. So it took me eight years to get it, but I did. It's on performance, music performance on the clarinet. After that I pretty much abandoned music for almost ten years because I got married right after I graduated and there just wasn't a lot of encouragement on the first time around, the first marriage time around. So it just didn't happen. I picked up the instrument again shortly prior to my divorce the first time. Well, I've only been divorced once. I've been married twice. Let me clarify that. Good catch. Good catch. When I started playing again, the first thing that I did was join the concert band here on the university campus. So that kind of gave me an opportunity to hone back on my skills and it came back very, very quickly. It was kind of like riding a bike; the muscles kind of recognize that. So I immediately was given principal chair with the concert band. It's a community band that meets in the evenings. And for a good ten years I played in the band that's conducted by Tony LaBounty, Professor Tony LaBounty. I also for a period of time played in the Las Vegas Community Orchestra and that was at the Reed Whipple Center downtown. I played there for probably ten years also, I guess. I'm throwing ten years out there. I don't have the dates correct in my head. I understand. But there was a period of time until the orchestra folded. The city in their infinite wisdom decided to close the Reed Whipple Center on the day that we were rehearsing and just expected all the orchestra members to be able to shift their schedules. Well, that wasn't possible and so it kind of closed the orchestra, which was too bad. 13 For the last fourteen years I have been playing in the Shabbatones at Ner Tamid. I love it so much. Bella Feldman was our cantorial soloist at the time and she had this idea of putting this band together. The core of the band is still together completely. We are a free ensemble; we don't get paid for it; we volunteer our time. Every founding member is still a part of ensemble. We've had some other band members that have come in and played with us and have left. We've had some students, high school and college students that have played with us and have left. But the core of us have played...We are starting our fourteenth season, which is amazing. Who is that core? Can we list those people's names? Yes. Ira Spector, Mike Adler, Glori Rosenberger, Eddie...Oh, my goodness. This is putting you on the spot here. Eddie is the keyboard player. I'm sorry, Eddie. Birch, Eddie Birch. Alan Molasky. Those are the core. We've been in from the very beginning. We played for ten years with Phil Goldstein and now we're playing with Jessica Hutchings. One of the greatest things now is this service, which will be tomorrow night, Beatles Shabbat. We'll be doing it for the fourth time. With her talent and enthusiasm of our band, I just love it. To me that's my Judaism. Other than the funeral side of it, it's what excites me about going to shul and just giving back to our congregation. I just really love it. I know it's an integral part of Congregation Ner Tamid and I'm just glad that I'm part of that. Did you belong to any other congregations before Ner Tamid? No. In San Diego, before we moved back here and in the younger days when my son was still a child, we were going to Temple Beth Israel in San Diego, going to the Youth Shabbats, but other than that Ner Tamid has been the first temple that I've actually been a congregant. Because music seems to resonate within that congregation. Is that different than other 14 congregations that you're aware of? I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I know every synagogue has its own flavor. When we started the Shabbatones, it was kind of a new concept in synagogues. Fourteen or fifteen years ago, there were only maybe two or three synagogues in the country that were experimenting with musical Shabbats. When it was first introduced I think it was introduced with a little bit of trepidation, not knowing how well received it would be. I think initially people would come to services and not hear the, quote, traditional melodies, which traditional melodies are only thirty or forty years old anyway, right, when our history goes much further than that. But when we started playing more modern songs or melodies to prayers, I think it took a little while for people to really buy into it. But I think with the younger generation, with camps and with more pop music being exposed and the youth going to camp, to keep them engaged at the synagogue level, I think this has been a great element that's been infused with synagogues to be able to do that. I think it's great. So using song like the Beatles tunes, what did people say when you first started doing things like that?the reaction of the congregants? Well, the Beatles Shabbat is amazing. Jessica, Cantor Hutchings has done a great job of putting a parody to ever